Holy Crap! It's February.

Okay, I'm just gonna post a bunch of random crap.

-Chuck is on in 3D tonight. Where the hell do I get my glasses?

-The Transformers 2 Super Bowl spot sucked.

-The G. I. Joe one was actually pretty good.

-I'm not going to be able to review Defiance til it's on DVD.

-Same with Waltz With Bashir

-Inkheart, City Of Ember, Rocknrolla, Lakeview Terrace, Taken reviews all coming from me soon.

-Revolutionary Road and The Wrestler reviews coming soon from Gina.

-I need to eat.

Holy Crap! Everything Lame Is Cool Again.

Wow, haven't posted in a looooooooonnnnnnnnnnngggg time.
My one fan probably thinks I died.
But I remain adamant.
This blog will succeed where my others have failed.
So I have TWO whole reviews for you people.
"The Wackness" and "Appaloosa".
Both are on my top 10 list,
which you'll never see. Evah.
But which one is higher?
That's where the drama's coming from.
First up, The Wackness.
"I'm thinking of becoming a psychologist, coz everyone around me's so fucking crazy."
That pretty much sums up my life.
That's why I love this movie so much.
It taps into that special tiny place in my heart that tells me this dramedy isn't bullshit.
The only other movie to have landed there is Fight Club, which is excellent.
Josh Peck falls in love with Olivia Thirlby. Like most of mankind's early loves, the feeling's not mutual. This is upsetting and he has to be counselled by stoner Ben Kingsley, who actually gives decent advice. The movie simply wanders from witty aphorism to witty aphorism and I revelled in it. This one is reeeeeeaaaaaaaaaallllllllllyyyyyyy good. C'mon reviewers: Give better recommendations so I don't miss masterpieces like this.
Appaloosa is much slower. It's basically really boring until the end when the movie lunges for your brain, grabs it and makes you realize it was a good film.
It's weird and you kinda have to see it to believe it. I don't think I'm worthy to talk about it though. Oh, and Viggo Mortensen kicks mind ass.
Ok, that's it for reviewing stuff.
Over the weekend, if I have time, I'll write reviews of "City Of Ember", "Defiance", and "Inkheart."
Also, if I can get my friend Gina's ass off of Youtube, she'll post reviews of "Revolutionary Road" and "The Wrestler."
I decided she gets a guest spot on this blog coz she has a following, whereas I do not. She'll be reviewing all the Oscar bait abortion dramas and I'll review the cool stuff.
Of course, we'll both review insanely awesome coolness like "Watchmen" or "Star Trek". We're nerds like that.

Clint Eastwood Can Still Kick Your Ass!

Over the weekend I saw Gran Torino.
It was surprisingly awesome.
It's surprising because nothing in this film should matter.
It's about a grumpy old man and his neighbors getting harassed by a gang.
That sounds really pointless, doesn't it?
Yet from frame 1, Gran Torino lures you in in a very similar way to another favorite of mine
from 2008, Appaloosa.
The emotional impact of the film sneaks up and throttles you.
In that film, it was Viggo Mortensen's slow motion explosion that snuck up on you.
In this movie it's the WHOLE DAMN FILM!
Clint Eastwood is gold from the moment he growls at his grandchildren and their texting during his wife's funeral, their navel rings, and their unhealthy penchant for asking for his car when he dies.
Clint Eastwood then proceeds to tell them to go f*** themselves in a growly manner.
He hates everyone.
His stupid priest.
His stupid neighbors.
Kids these days.
His wife for dying.
His dog for being lazy.
Everyone.
A kid tries to steal his car in riveting sequence.
In the garage, the single bulb swings back and forth changing the lighting over and over.
Eastwood makes the kid work for penance while his sister slowly tries to win the old man over into peace, love, and harmony.
Except really not.
As much as I loved Benjamin Button, this movie does a far better job of conveying the "nothing lasts" message and displaying honest emotions.
You can make people cry without using the tool of death, Eastwood expertly proves.
My god, I love this movie.
Eastwood rocks and he owns Oscar with this, the best film of 2008.
(The Wrestler hasn't come out in the NW yet. I'm allowed to change my mind.)
See it,
Now

Pineapple Express

I got to watch a DVD of Pineapple Express this weekend.
And it's weird. Really weird.
It's probably my favorite Judd Apatow movie, but not because of the humor.
It's only kinda funny.
Like 9/10 funny.
There are reeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaallllllllyyyyyyy long stretches without any kind of humor.
Those stretches fortunately are action sequences which makes it awesome.
I was surprised at how good the action is.
It also doesn't really make sense.
Lines like "You just got killed by a Dai Woo Lanos, (spellcheck), motherfucker"
don't make any sense when you actually think about it.
They're hilarious in context tho.
The movie opens with the discovery of pot.
Yeah, weird like I said.
Then you meet Dale Denton and Saul Silver, whose names are totally rhyming for some reason.
Do all stoners have matching names like that.
They are distinguished by the fact that Dale is only high half the time and Saul is high all of the time.
Anyhoo, Dale witnesses a murder committed by Bill Lumbergh... I mean Ted.
Now, Ted want's to fuck him and Saul up.
Using such criminals as Rosie Perez and Stanley from the Office.
Oh, and he's in a drug war with the Asians.
And there's this guy who can't get killed named Red and he's really creepy.
So, not the best movie, but at least it distinguishes itself from Knocked Up.
Did I mention it has good action?
Reeeeeeeaaaaaaaallllllyyyyyyy good action?